"Sex is very a natural and ordinary activity for the human being , just like eating. But it will result in perversion of all the aspects of the life if you are haunted by sexual thoughts steaming up from the frustration.
The emphasis is not on indulging in the sexual pleasure, but the abstinence does not help at all, either. If the sexual need cannot be satisfied in a right manner, it is just as if you have an eating disorder.
First of all, for both men and women, the sexual desire should be totally satisfied with a good partner before jumping into a funny religion, going to the counselor, or meditating. And there is an important knack in doing that."
What is the goal in the sex??
Different from the matter of SATORI, there is "an end" for the sexual maturity.
There is "a line", where no more interest arises on that matter, after passing over. It is as if a child gets over with a toy one day.
And only then, sexual desires would not hamper meditation any more.
But usually, the sexual interest follows people for all their life until the old age when sexual functions nearly disappear. And the biggest reason is that the only few people experience "a total satisfaction in sex". Satisfied sexual functions never bother us with the desires.
They say, "there is no end in desires". But there is "an end" depending on the type.
Any desire has the maturity point or the saturation point where no more meaning remains in seeking further goal. Then, what is the saturation point in sex?
For women, it is to taste the orgasm which makes her faint away or blackout.
Even though there is a bit of difference between individuals, a woman who attains an total orgasm always faint away and enter in a profound sleep like state for several minutes or longer after the orgasmic spasm. Soon after the orgasm, there is a point where the world becomes white and the awareness fades away rapidly, or abruptly.
And, further more, the male partner should quite naturally reach a simultaneous orgasm.
By saying "naturally", it means that even it is possible to adjust the timing of his orgasm consciously, it is ideal and preferable if it happens without any conscious effort or intention to attain orgasm at same time as the female partner.
Of course, he can do that intentionally in some degree. If the female partner let him know just before her orgasm, the male partner can adjust the timing of his orgasm.
But this may produce a few seconds of delay. Because the male partner needs a little bit of time after the orgasmic spasm of the female partner starts.
The peak of female orgasmic spasm last about a minute, and the male partner can ejaculate within that duration. But nevertheless, the feeling of total unification, the deep "union" cannot be attained that way.
"Simultaneous" means without any delay. So, the partners should know the habits of each other very well.
However, it is often true that female orgasm may be induced by the "Ki" from male ejaculation.
First, let her attain orgasms
In any case, the male partner should be able to let the female partner attain 4 to 6 times of orgasms during one session at ease. And then, if half of these orgasms are attained simultaneously by both male and female partner, the sexual satisfaction reaches "a saturation point".
There is a limit in producing more pleasure even how well it is done.
If the female partner tastes the fainting pleasure and more than 3 times of simultaneous orgasms in one session, the both body and spirit will not have much sexual desires for at least a month.
Easy to say, but for a woman to attain full orgasm, it takes at least 20 minutes of foreplay and 20 to 30 minutes of penetration. Thus it takes more than 4 hours for 4 to 6 times of full orgasms.
Both male and female partner would have less and less sexual interest by repeating such a total experience in sex.
Endless indulging in sexual daydreams and frequent masturbation are always a result of "frustration from imperfect combustion" of actual sex.
The requirements for a good partner
There are some requirements for the good partners.
If they are at the beginning of there relationship, it isn't good.
Because there will be many "mental calculations" for getting accepted by the partner.
In other words, it should be a kind of relationship without any "calculation".
So, in that regard, a husband and a wife could be good partners if they have a nice relationship.
The friendship limited to sexual relation and "love affair" type could be ideal.
It can be lovers, mistress, but important factor is taking sex as a sincere "way" of mastering life, not as the drain valve of the desires.
To master each exercise one by one (body positions and movement patterns), and to practice breathing techniques and ejaculatory control for men, the female partner must be someone who is willing to cooperate in many situations, in other words, she must be someone with whom he can feel at home and he can communicate anything.
Of course, the male partner must embrace the personal needs of the female partner, and make sincere effort to satisfy her.
The use of condoms should be avoided. The reason is that organic electric exchanges in vagina is hampered with it. And also all metal objects should be removed from the body. There is a same reason as ChiQong therapy behind it.
* Note of editor: Please learn about "Billings Ovulation Method". It is natural, cost-free, totally safe method for mature couples. Go to Link page for the detail.
An easy and yet effective foreplay
1. The female partner should lie down on her back with legs stretched about shoulder width. Now, male partner places his palm on her pelvic born with his three fingers covering over the clitoris and genital area, but do not put finger in her vagina.
Then press her for 3 to 5 seconds.
With the pressure, the female partner should push pelvic foreword, tightening PC muscle and inner thigh, same time breath into the lung (or into the belly).
Next, the male partner soften the pressure gradually for 3 to 5 seconds.
At that time, she pulls pelvic back, releasing the tension of PC muscle and inner thigh, and also breathing out.
Preferably, she breaths out toward top of her head as if the air goes out from the summit of her head.
(This breathing combined with tightening and releasing of muscles and pelvic thrust is very good for attaining orgasm for her.)
2. After continuing several minutes, observing the pleasure and the secretion of love, he starts stimulating clitoris with his tongue and both her nipples with his fingers.
The most important thing here is to synchronize the stimulation of clitoris by the tongue and the stimulation of nipples by the hands perfectly.
If this rhythm isn't in sync, effectiveness is lost. She can feel maximum pleasure when these 3 points (genitals and nipples) are stimulated in totally synchronized rhythm because there are energetic connections between genitals and breasts.
As a rule of thumb, he should give her at least 20 minutes of foreplay including massage and caressing of entire body before penetration.
3. When she can't wait for the penetration, she should ask him about that and take one of body positions and technique for having orgasm mentioned in next section.
Although during foreplay, you can enjoy any position, basically, the body positions for having orgasm are limited to: "the position in which she has her legs stretched" and also "the position in which both partners are facing each other", or something similar.
General rules for the position and the movement for orgasm specific to female partner.
1. To attain orgasm, she should stretch out her both legs placing them apart about shoulder width or less. Never take position with legs bent.
And (basically), it is "frontal position" (face to face position) with stretched legs.
2. When her orgasm is near, adhere firmly entire body against each other.
3. He should not breath rapidly even when she starts pushing and pulling her pelvis rapidly.
4. The most important thing for him is to "receive steadily" her pelvic thrust keeping deep penetration and pressure of the genital contact using his body weight. And he should move his pelvis gently time to time. In other words, never move in and out carelessly.
The male partner should repeat "receiving her pelvic thrust" and gentle movement alternately. And the movement should not exceed the rate of twice per second.
Ideally, it should be in a slow rate around once to twice per second.
5. And when she attains her orgasm, he should keep penetration but refrain from ejaculation while "her orgasmic spasms finish and she becomes immobile".
Also while she is making the spasms stretching her ankles for about a minute, he should continue to make gentle synchronized pelvic side glides and push-pulls. Avoid careless pelvic movements.
Ejaculatory control for men
First, if he ejaculate within 5 minutes or so of the penetration, it's useless.
Basically it requires minimum 20 minutes, preferably 45 minutes of endurance after making the penetration.
Although there is a variation from one person to the other, speaking from the point of view of a female physical cycle, she needs at least 20 minutes from the penetration after 30 minutes of complete foreplay.
And if the body position is improper or his technique is poor, she accumulates sexual frustration each time she couldn't attain orgasm even how long was the penetration. So, he should read following carefully and practice well.
It should be remembered that never to make love before taking the oath of withholding the ejaculation until she comes and finish her spasm.
Also, in general, it is important to note that it's better to keep the PC-muscle "relaxed" during penetration while feeling the sensation. If he moves his PC-muscle involuntary with the excitement, he feels more sexual stimulation and may ejaculate too soon.
As he makes love with the PC-muscle relaxed, he can use one or the combination of following methods to prolong his endurance.
1: Contracting the PC-muscle and the abdomen, slowly breath in to the chest, enlarging it, for 7 to 9 seconds. Then keeping the PC-muscle tight, hold the breath for 7 to 9 seconds. Finally, still keeping the abdomen and the PC-muscle contracted, breath out for 7 to 9 seconds. After breathing out, relax the abdomen and the PC-muscle. (Chest breathing)
2: Hold the movement of body while in deep insertion, contract and relax the PC-muscle as quick as possible for more than 9 times. (PC-muscle movements)
3: Combination of 1 and 2. Soon after breathing out using the method 1, do the method 2.
In other words, after breathing out with method No.1, do rapid contraction of PC-muscle.
Three methods mentioned in previous section were to put hold on the ejaculation when sexual stimulation was too much.
Here is the method to strengthen the erection when there is not much sexual energy on the contrary. Note that he should breath into the lower abdomen in this case.
Relax the PC-muscle and breath into the lower abdomen.
Hold the breath while the PC-muscle is still relaxed.
Then breath out contracting the PC-muscle.
There should be stronger erection if you do it while moving or staying still.
Use the method 1,2,3 , if needed, as the sensibility increases too much. (For some people, this method can be used for holding the ejaculation.)
Using these methods, the penis becomes less sensitive for sexual stimulation.
By repeating above methods for a couple of times, by then, about 15 minutes should have passed. Although these breathing may soften the erection somehow, by preventing too much stimulation which leads to ejaculation, it helps for longer penetration time.
If he feels that the ejaculation is approaching in spite all of these methods done, pull out the penis out for a moment.
If it takes time to calm down a little, don't forget to take care of female partner by caressing.
He can penetrate again when the sensitivity and erection is ready.
He should change the body position a little at each renewed penetration to avoid boring repetition for her.
The key in body movement
Without overexciting himself psychologically, the penis becomes less sensitive and he can keep minimum 20 minutes of penetration, or 45 minutes or more in some cases.
Depending on her sexual characteristics, she may have 2, 3 times of fully satisfactory orgasms during this period.
One sign of total orgasm for women is entering a kind of sleep after the spasm and following fading away of her consciousness.
No female prefers careless violent sex.
So, the male partner should always keep soft touch. And as a matter of the truth, it doesn't give much pleasure for her by doing quick in-out pelvic thrust like a dog.
Holding each other, keeping the deep genital connection,
repeat "stay still for a while", "make small vibration softly", or "very slow in and out", "circular movements", "side slides", for her to attain orgasm rapidly.
Rapid movements may be good for a foreplay to get the feeling of the deep union.
But "sweetness" for the female partner is the key.
Anyway, avoid careless rapid pelvic thrusts thinking that such moves shown in some adult videos are good examples. The most effective movement by the male partner is done intimately matching the move of female partner attentively observing it.
And to have orgasm, she should press her body firmly to his body, keep her legs spread not more than her shoulder width, and keep her ankles straight.
Female orgasm first, then together
Basically, the male partner should not ejaculate before the female partner has attained orgasm at least twice. After that, ideally, he should ejaculate at the exact same moment as she comes.
To make it happen, she should tell him or give him a sign when it is getting close to her orgasm. The body movements should be kept at the precise rate for easier orgasm for her. And the male partner should do following breathing when he ejaculates.
1: At first spasm of the female partner, Breath into the lower abdomen and contract the PC-muscle, then hold it there.
2: Hold the breath for 7 to 9 seconds, then let it go and ejaculate. Stay in her for 3 to 4 minutes.
How to stay in shape (for men)
In general, the reasons for impotence, premature ejaculation are:
Psychological pressure and uneasiness.
Low physical energy, lack of the sleep.
Drinking habit, drug addiction.
Eye fatigue and nervous fatigue from using computer etc..
And often overlooked but important,
Careless habit of the ejaculation.
Whether masturbating or with a partner, "never ejaculate unless the penis is in full erection".
Because repeated ejaculation at mild erection will become a habit. Then, he may ejaculate with the slight vaginal stimulation.
Also, as the penis in mild erection has not much vital organic energy that it cannot give enough energy for her to attain deeper orgasm.
So, do not ejaculate unless the penis is hard and in full erection whether in the actual intercourse, in masturbating, or in the extracted ejaculation, or in the ejaculation into her mouth during fellatio.
These basic techniques for foreplay and orgasm are generally effective for everyone. But they are still just one example of many different styles.
Sexual communion change day to day depending on the physical and mental condition, and further more, it can be totally different with another partner.
So, at first, it is necessary to know what kind of positions and movements are preferred by each partner.
Especially, it is very very important for the female partner to tell "what she wants" to the male partner, and he must listen attentively and act according to her desire. Of course, she should actively participate and help in the training for him.
There is near total lack (in case of traditional Japanese couple) of this kind of request in sexual relations from woman to man, and men tends to be unwilling to listen as well.
But it is silly to act according to "baseless estimation" each other.
Female sexual mechanism is far too delicate and subtle to "estimate".
There should be an attitude of sincerity and seriousness toward one's sex life as to have a discussion before and after, about what they want and how it was with the partner, regardless of a married couple, lovers, etc..
Other useful information
The use of lubricating jelly and oil
To enjoy more in sex life, always use oil and/or jelly.
Blending the "grape seed oil" with the "Johnson's Baby oil" in equal portion makes economical whole body oil.
By changing the mixture, you can find right texture for you.
It can be used for genital area as well.
The grape seed oil for the cooking purpose is usually good enough.
If you have done enough of sex with oil, try the baby powder.
It gives smooth and entirely different sensation.
Choose carefully the bathroom soap for its sent and other character of your taste.
There are many kind of bathing agent.
"Hindu Esthetic" is very good in my opinion.
It make skin very smooth, and it warms the body quite well.
(The availability in countries other than Japan is not known.)
The products from "The Body Shop" are my favorite.
The lighting in the room
For having sex, it's better to light up. It is often considered that the darker more romantic it becomes. But to absorb the energy of the light into the body, it is brighter the better.
And ideally speaking, it's better to have sex during daytime. (There is more energy around during daytime.)
Humans aren't nocturne animal and their body incline to the rest when the night approaches.
So, it's not really good time of the day to have sex.
Usually, animals have sex during daytime, when the body and the surrounding nature are full of energy, to assure strong heir.
"Daytime Love" is more exciting from the point of view of natural law.
The reason why only human make love at night could be the cultural one as following.
Removing all or most of clothing when sleeping, thus getting closer to naked.
Somehow, sex has been connected to the bed. (There is no reason we have to make love on the bed.)
By "the strange way of thinking", sex is considered something embarrassing, and so should be done at night when others are sleeping or at least they can't see well.
What is the ideal environment for love making?
The room finished with natural material is good for sex.
For example, even in the modern construction, a traditional Japanese style room with tatami mat is better than western style rooms.
And it is good to have sex under the sun shine, in the natural outdoor setting, or in the room where sunlight comes in.
Further, the preferred lighting in the room is normal white incandescent bulb, which resembles natural sunlight, than flickering fluorescent light.
The important effect of natural scent of our body
As far as genital area is concerned, you should clean it well. But natural odor of the hair and body is an important factor for heightening instinctive sexual desires. Therefore, do not wash your body and hair "too much" with a soap and shampoo. You should leave some odor of the skin and hair for the normal functioning of animal desire.
You can wash your genital area with a soap, but just wash off your body by warm water as much as possible. Of course, your body and hair should not stink from dirtiness. It should be clean enough but not too artificially clean. This is something delicate to adjust.
Miracle play of experts
"Position sequences without pull-off"
The experts have techniques to change their body position in series during penetration.
In this illustration, I have putt "the sequence of changes you can perform without interrupting the penetration".
Please refer the explanation bellow for detailed movements pattern for each position.
* Note: In the first illustration, position's are placed top down beginning at the right column, from the bottom up at the middle, and top down again at the left.
Sequence from seated positions to normal frontal (man on top) positions
Penetrate in the seated position. Move as if grinding while the main course here is caressing.
From the position No.1, she lies back stretching her arms above her head. He supports her back by his feet. He gives caressing to her breasts by bending forward. As he has difficulty moving back and forth here, he makes side movements.
First bring back her body to the position No.1, it is his turn to lie back. She should spread her leg at an angle of about 60 to 90 degrees as the illustration. It is nice if he performs up down movements at fixed rhythm.
Next, she bring her feet at his back just like he has done at position No.2. Enjoy deep penetration without moving much.
From the position No. 4, He brings his body upright to this position. She should stretch her leg without fail, and bring her arms above head. It is nice to combine circular movement and back and forth movement at gentle pace.
This position with her legs bent at the breast is for the G-spot stimulation. Keep the penetration shallow for it. Main purpose is to stimulate 2 to 4 centimeters ( 1 to 2 inches ) inside vagina with the head of penis. Therefore, keep shallow penetration and use mainly push-pull movement with occasional circular movements. You can move at the rate of you choice.
With this position, He puts some weight by stretching his legs and supporting his body with his arms. She puts her leg around his body. Similar to position No.6, use shallow push-pull movements. However, it is nice to use so-called 9-10 method to penetrating deeply only at the tenth push.
As the illustration shows, she puts the side of her feet together and lock them between his legs. He support himself with his elbow while putting his arms under her shoulder to hold her head gently. Slow grinding circular movements are nice here.
First, she stretch her legs putting them together, then, he takes position as the illustration. Take each other's hands. Only for this position, it is better to put pillow under her hips. Here, she makes active pelvic push-pulls while he catches them steadily. Also he can make slow circular movements.
When her orgasm approaches, bring your holding hands together up above the head, and firmly press your whole body against each other. He leads the movement keeping it to the push-pull type without changing the rhythm. At the sign of her orgasm, do not make the movement faster abruptly. Make it faster step by step. Continue the movement until she stops her orgasmic spasm. You can both come at this position.
One variation of position No. 10. By crossing her legs, his penis will be squeezed firmly. Quick small push-pull movement is recommended.
Sequence of riding positions (frontal, woman on the top)
[ W ] Usual woman on top position. With this position, she can lead if she wants, or he can take leadership. Enjoy circular movements, back and forth, side movements, as much as it pleases. He should not forget to give nice massage to her breasts and other areas.
[ X ] Next, he brings his legs together and stretches them out. Then, she wrap his legs by her legs. It's better to let him lead for the movements here.
[ Y ] Change to the woman on top position with legs spread away for both partners. She leads the movements and he catches her move firmly by pushing his pelvis forward. Go to next position when she is getting close to her orgasm.
[ Z ] She brings her legs together and stretches them out. He locks her legs from outside by his own legs. However, keep it to the gentle lock because she wouldn't be able to move much if it is too tight. Also, he should never make vigorous movements here. He should push his pelvis forward at the same timing as her pelvic push. Let her move for her own orgasm as much as possible. Both of you may come at this position.
Sequence of back riding positions (rear, woman on top)
[ A ] As the illustration shows, she sit away from him to make penetration. He may make light movement but not much. Let her move as she desires all the way. It is nice for him to caress her breasts, neck, and back. She will initiate change into the next position [ B ] when she feel her orgasm coming.
[ B ] She lies on her stomach stretching her body. He also stretches out his body. And from now on, he should never move his pelvis at all. Stay still until she becomes immobile after her orgasm. With this position, she should come first. For his ejaculation, make it after changing to next position [ D ] or [ E ].
[ C ] When she calms down after her orgasm, he brings his torso upright and make back and forth movements and side movements.
[ D ] He sits on his heel but with his legs a little apart. She stretches her legs a little apart, also. He takes her hands gently. Somewhat quick back and forth or side movements are good here. He may ejaculate here or at the next position [ E ].
[ E ] Yet deeper position than [ D ]. He gets hold of her legs bent as the illustration. Move back and forth.
Variations of back position (rear entry)
[ do ] Usual back position. Slow circular movements and back and movements are good. The 9-10 method to make deep penetration at the tenth push is also effective.
[ re ] A variation of back position. She stretch one leg while bending other to bring her knee to the breast. This body position changes the angle of connection, making the stimulation for his penis greater. But he should exercise good control from ejaculation.
[ mi ] She spread her legs a little. He rides on her as the illustration. Quicker, rhythmical push-pull with shallow penetration is good. When her orgasm approaches, move on to next position.
[ fa ] She brings her legs together and stretch them out. He lock her leg from outside by his legs. Then, he presses his body firmly on to her back with deep penetration, keeping back and forth movements. Holding her breasts by hands, you both may come with this one.
[ sol ] Usual frontal standing position. As a foreplay, just like dancing gracefully, move and enjoy freely.
[ la ] Usual back standing position. He grabs her breasts while she holds on his head as the illustration. For the standing positions, it is better to use something like a wall for body support. It will make better adherence of the bodies. Also without any support, you may loose a balance when her legs just don't stand well in the heat of excitement.
[ si ] As the illustration, it is to put pillow under the heel, not under her hips, of female partner when she is under the male partner in frontal position. By putting a pillow under the hips, you may improve the connection angle when the female partner has her vagina away from the pelvic born. (There is a Japanese term roughly resembles in English, "under fit", specifically describing these women.) But the big disadvantage of this method is "inability for her to move the waist". So, if you put a pillow under her heels, it becomes far easier for her to float her hips up and down or move sideways for heightened state of arousal.
Please try this when you have a difficulty in having orgasm with normal frontal position.
Also, this may give him freedom of movement when he is lying on his back in the riding position.
[ sol - 1 ] From the frontal standing position [ sol ], you both kneel down. In the deep penetration, firmly connect your breast and bellies, you can enjoy "all kinds of movements" such as quick push-pull, circular, side slide, firm press.
[ la - 1] From the back standing position [ la ], bring you bodies down. He caress her breasts while mix up the union as if dancing. He can kneel down instead of sitting on his heels.
[ 5 - 1 ] A variation of the position No. 5. He takes her legs together on one side of his shoulder. He can make slow deep movements.
[ 5 - 2 ] Another variation of the position No. 5. He spreads her stretched legs. It is nice to make slow circular movements and deep pushes.
[ W - 1 ] From the frontal riding position [ W ], she holds both his legs. She moves as it pleases her.
[ W - 2 ] From the frontal riding position [ W ], he raises his back in "bridge". She adheres her body to him for her orgasm.
When both male and female partners attain simultaneous orgasm, you should never do after play.
Usually, you may hold partner's head or continue to caress partner's body.
But if the orgasm was simultaneous, no after play should be made.
If the female partner is multiple orgasmic and she requests second round soon after the first orgasm, it is an exception, and you should continue to make love. But you should stop sex after the simultaneous orgasm unless otherwise.
Further, the timing to separate the penetration is important.
To enter blackout or near sleeping state after orgasm, for both partners, you should not keep the penetration too long. However, you should not separate soon after, either.
Ideally, after her orgasmic spasm calms down and his orgasmic spasm calms down,
then after both partner's body loose all the tension and breathing is back to perfectly calm,
you should stay still without any body movement for at least three minutes in penetration.
And it is absolutely imperative that "Never move both your bodies".
Do not make any after play, such as holding and caressing.
With the penetration, continue to taste the echo of the orgasm without any movement.
And it is important to keep your eyes closed at this time.
Stay like this for at least three minutes.
You must be very careful since the awareness would return to this world with the slightest stimulation to your bodies at this crucial moment for entering really deep relaxation.
However, if this motionless state is too prolonged, (depending on the body position) underlying partner will start to feel the pressure from the weight of the partner on top.
Therefore, you should separate your bodies after about four to six minutes following complete calming down of orgasm. It is not good to keep the penetration for more than seven minutes.
When you separate your bodies, you must pay utmost attention, as if taking care of sleeping partner without awakening, to end the penetration and to separate totally your bodies.
There are two body positions you may use to enter blackout or fainting.
One is to relax while still holding as if "side position".
But this position is not easy to go into really deep relaxation.
So, the best is to rest, lying on the back with eyes closed, after separating your bodies. You may hold a hand of partner but do not make more bodily contact. Then you can go into relaxation or sleep.
This is the general precaution for after the mid level simultaneous orgasm.
* * * * * * * * *
However, right after the yet deeper orgasm, the male partner or female partner, or even both partners may go into blackout fainting.
In this case, the one whose consciousness comes back first should separate the bodies.
If the male partner comes back first
If he was on top, he should separate his body from her with the care not to awake her.
If he was under her, turn 90 degrees gently to side position. Then let her lie on her back and you do the same for yourself.
If the female partner comes back first
It is same as for the male partner.
If she reach her orgasm in back position (lying on her stomach) and faint before him, she can stay asleep on her stomach.
If he faint before her in the above position, she should turn to side position gently, and separate the bodies.
* * * * * * * * *
To summarize, when you attain deep simultaneous orgasm, "more than three minutes", "keeping your eyes closed", "without any movement", you should stay in the penetration.
If one partner faint before other, the one with consciousness should gently separate the bodies with utmost care within 6 minutes.
And if you both faint away together, the one who comes back first should separate bodies softly.
In any case, separate your bodies very carefully and calmly as if not to awake sleeping child.
Then, after separating bodies, ideally, you should lie on your back to rest.
The difference between "Blackout"
from sexual orgasm and ordinary sleep
Somebody told us,
"My old partner and I routinely blacked out after sex... until the
alarm went off in the morning and we got up for work, and we also
routinely had simultaneous orgasms...".
But he is totally mixed up about ordinary sleeping and blackout (fainting) from orgasm.
After the blackout from sex, your consciousness always comes back soon.
If it were a fainting from sickness or an accident, you may stay in coma for long period of time.
However, the characteristics of blackout from sex are really different from the fainting caused by misadventure.
As far as I know, "certain kind of samadhi" is the closest thing to the blackout from sex.
I said "certain kind" because the description and definition of samadhi is a highly disputable matter even among different sect of Japanese Zen Buddhist.
1: First difference I would mention between sleeping and blackout is the duration. Sleeping goes for hours while it is from 5 minutes to thirty minutes at the longest for blackout.
2: And the breathing is different from sleeping. When someone sleeps, we may hear snoring or rhythmical breathing. But in the case of blackout, the breathing is either very shallow or very slow, and unless the nose is blocked, we can't hear any breathing noise.
In other words, it remarkably resembles the breathing of someone in deep Zen meditation.
This is different from the breath stopping we often hear these days, and there is no danger even if the breathing is shallow or long.
Rather, this is good for health.
3: At the moment when the consciousness comes back, or soon after that, the feeling is quite different from after sleeping or taking a nap. Anybody must have taken a nap.
But once you experience the blackout after sex, if someone asks you, "Is it similar to a nap or sleeping?", your answer is definitely "No".
Because in case of blackout, we don't feel any dizziness of sleepy feeling after coming back.
4: Often, it happens that the consciousness wonder in the state just before full awakening.
There is a peculiar sensation, in this state, that you cannot remember "where you have been and what you were doing" for a while. You don't remember that you are on the bed or the presence of your partner. Well, the consciousness is back before the physical senses, in this state. Thus you can't recognize the time and space from the absence of memory.
It is a very clear state in which awakened consciousness is present alone.
5: There is a sense of lightness, or "fresh feeling" as if each cell of the body has become fine and light when the consciousness returns. This is from the very deep relaxation of the blackout, which can't be obtained by sleeping.
The way of Sexual Union
It seems that there are so many people who can't practice methodically without objectives, even though I have, clearly and in detail, explained all techniques on this web site.
So, for these people who insist on step by step objectives, I will write down the grading for "The way of Sexual Union".
Third class := Male partner can bring female partner to one orgasm by penetration, but without ejaculating. Also he can send her to orgasm by hand. (He is allowed to have assistance of her hand over his.)
Second class := He can bring her to two orgasms by penetration, without ejaculating. And he can send her to orgasm by cunnilingus.
First class := He can bring her to three orgasms by penetration without ejaculating.
First Dan (black belt) := After passing all the requirement up to first class, both partners can enjoy "simultaneous orgasm".
Second Dan := Both partners blackout after simultaneous orgasm.
Third Dan (shihan) := Both partners experience "mid state between awake and unconscious" after simultaneous orgasm.
The numbers of orgasm specified are for one session with resting in between or during one evening, and you don't have to do them one after another.
Also, to advance beyond first Dan, the techniques in Mysticism of Sex would be necessary.
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Well, I have been talking the matter of orgasm mainly from women's stand point.
However, the matter of "ideal orgasm for men" is equally important.
First of all, I will explain why it is necessary to bring her to three orgasms at first.
It is not for "sucking her energy" practiced in Chinese technique. Please do not mix with that.
It is because female physical body would never be totally satisfied with only one orgasm.
For example, even if one hour of good foreplay is done before penetration for her orgasm, she will not be satisfied.
In many books, they say "sexual satisfaction depends on individual" as if it is The fact.
But any woman would require three orgasms, normally.
The reason why many women have never experienced these orgasms is not because of her physical problem but mostly from the lack of male partner's techniques or endurance.
And although it is true that the first orgasm gives her good pleasure since it is a fresh peak, it is only a "small explosion" and she has "much remaining energy" after all.
The male partner should not think that his job is done even if she comes once.
The second and third orgasm are rather deeper in most cases. The first orgasm is just to start her sexual engine.
Therefore to bring her to truly deep orgasm, she should come at least twice before coming together.
Well, if the male partner can come two, three times with her and back to the erection within several minutes, he may come together with her.
However, this is not good at all for his health. (This deplete energy needlessly.)
Moreover, ejaculating like this, it is almost impossible to realize the realm of yet deeper orgasm with five, six orgasms for her.
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The biggest psychological effect for men when she comes twice at first is that he can ejaculate, "freeing his body and mind", without necessity for "thinking about taking care of her" or "feeling bad for coming too soon".
Just with one orgasm of her, he will wonder if she is really satisfied or not.
(As a matter of fact, she is not satisfied with only one orgasm.)
But if she comes twice at first, she will start to say "Come on, it's your turn", or "Let's do it together next one!".
Thus, after bringing her to her second or third orgasm, he can ejaculate, free from any thought and responsibility.
As I have written many time, "blackout" and other phenomena tend to happen at the third orgasm and after.
It is rarely at the second orgasm, and "blackout" does not happen often if it is not simultaneous orgasm.
For all these reasons, it is important to bring her to three orgasms at first.
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However, "blackout" and other state of consciousness similar to it happen only as "a result" of ideal sex.
To begin with, "blackout" and other mysterious state of consciousness will not happen even if you try. Please do not forget about this.
I and my partner can never enter blackout by trying so.
What we aim is just "deep simultaneous orgasm".
We didn't think that we will blackout from sex when we started to practice.
As metal and all physical condition became gradually aligned perfectly, "blackout and other mystical experiences started to happen very often".
But if we "try to faint", it will never happen so. Because such an intention and hopeful thought will become "bugging thought in the mind", and it will be the biggest obstacle for mental letting go. Therefore, we do not expect anything more than "simultaneous orgasm" from sex.
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The phenomenon of continuous female orgasmic spasm for one minute or more that is particular to the fainting orgasm varies depending on the physical character of each woman and the day to day condition. So, blackout happens often following ordinary orgasmic spasm of about fifteen times, instead of continuous spasm of two minutes or more.
Anyway, please don't expect too much and aim only "simultaneous orgasm". She comes twice at first, then the simultaneous orgasm for both of you at the third one. That is enough.
Later, if mental technique such as "Mysticism of Sex" is added on top of that, blackout will happen more often.
Stretching exercise for sex
I will show stretching exercise that is effective for both men and women.
Sexual energy is related to our legs. But it does not mean that simply flexible or powerful legs are good for sex. For women's deep orgasm, good circulation of "Ki" energy is necessary. This exercise is good for shaping up beautiful legs, too. For men, it will enhance their erection.
Exercise 1: (sit cross legged)
[ 1 ] : From the sitting position as the illustration, move and straighten your leg as if kicking up slowly. Stop at the top, and keep it for about seven seconds. Repeat three times each leg.
[ 2 ] : Similar to No.1, but kick up slowly with your tow pointing upward. Stop at the top for about seven seconds. Repeat three times each leg.
[ 3 ] : This time, kick forward slowly with your heel. Stop about seven seconds with your leg stretched as previous movements. Repeat three times each leg.
[ 4 ] : Kick forward slowly, but with the outer side of your foot. Stop and keep your leg straight for about seven seconds, twisting your thigh and leg so that your knee is up. Three times each.
[ 5 ] : Kick with your heel slowly, but twist the thigh and leg outward contrary to [ 4 ]. Stop and keep for about seven seconds. Three time each.
Exercise 2: (lotus position if possible, sit cross legged if not)
The last half is a breathing exercise. This is especially for men and it is very good for the health of both men and women. However, if a female reader hates to inflate her lower abdomen fearing her lines would be bad, you can skip this.
This breathing exercise is for storing sexual energy before love making and consequently it is different from other breathing exercise mentioned in "Total Tantra Manual". Please follow the instruction attentively.
[ A ] : First, squeezing lower abdomen, breath out completely from your nose for nine seconds or so.
[ B ] : Then, keeping your PC-muscle relaxed, breath in from your nose inflating your lower abdomen for nine seconds or so. When you can't breath in any more,
[ C ] : Hold your breath and squeeze your PC-muscle. After the PC-muscle, squeeze your muscles of buttocks. Hold your breath for eighteen seconds.
[ D ] : Relax all the muscle and breath out from your nose, naturally. No timing is necessary for this.
You don't have to squeeze lower abdomen, either.
Repeat [ A - B - C - D ] for three times.
[ E ] : Sit on your thigh (Seiza). Lie on your back breathing out, and stay on your back for thirty seconds. When you do this, keep your arms stretched above as the illustration. Bring your body up carefully not to harm your vertebras.
The last half of above exercise was a breathing exercise.
It accumulate sexual energy by breathing in and out of "Tanden" or "Hara".
Most often, if you practice on your own, you may misunderstand "where" to inflate and deflate while you sit and breath. It is about one and half to three inches (four to seven centimeters) below your belly button depending on individual.
Even you think that you are breathing in and out of "Tanden", I have seen many beginners inflating around belly buton or even higher above.
So, I will show the way you can't make a mistake and "practical" Tanden breathing training.
By the word "practical", I mean that this method prepares you (men) for real situation since you practice this with the same body position as normal frontal position.
1. As the illustration bellow, fold a pillow or cushon and place it under your body at Tanden (one and half to three inches or four to seven centimeters below your belly button). The pillow or cushion can be any thing that offer three to four inches (seven to ten centimeteres) hight when folded and lightly pressed.
Place your feet at shoulder width and stretch your arms in front with your palms down.
Remember to hold with your tow, "especially on your thumbs".
However, if you have a problem of internal organ or any pain around belly or stomach, you can use the position B to hold your body. But A is prefered if you are healthy.
Please note that this breathing method gives lots of pressure to your internal organs like lungs. Don't practice this if you have any health problem especially that of heart and artelly.
2. As you breath in for nine seconds, "stretch youe legs completely".
After breathing in, tighten your "PC-muscle and buttocks" and hold the breath for eighteen seconds.
When you do this, make sure that you are breathing in to Tanden by feeling the inflating with the pillow. It should not be easy to hold your breath for eighteen second when you try it actually till you get used to it.
3. Ease you legs and relax PC-muscle and butocks. Let the breath out naturally.
Sexual union of man and woman is really subtle.
It does not always go well even if we follow the manual.
On contrary, there are mistakes due to "the use of manual".
During more than ten years of practice, other than acquiring the expertise of sex, I have experienced most of problems and mistakes of sex.
I had phimossis and also experienced temporary erectile dysfunction. Furthermore, I had a partner who refused to have sex because of the pain and another partner who held negative feeling toward sex from the childhood trauma, letting me to go through bunch of problems.
Anyway, thanks to my "problematic partners", I gained much learning experience as to tell the solutions and effective methods after all.
So, I am thankful for all these experience of sexual problems.
Now, the next tale is one of many mishaps of mine on the Way of Sexual Union.
It was when fainting orgasms started to happen often thanks to the practice laid out in "Total Tantra Manual" and "Mysticism of Sex". I found myself in the slump for about a month.
Somehow, sex wasn't fun as much as before.
First, I thought that I got bored with sex since I have experienced all the depth of orgasm.
However, as for all other sexual matters, I talked honestly with my partner about everything.
We found out the presence of unexpected problem and took corrective measures, with which we were soon out of the slump.
When we started to talk, I heard surprising words from my partner. She said "It is true that I come five to six times as usual. But these days, I'm having more and more light and incomplete orgasms, leaving frustration in my body and spirit."
Soon I understood what was happening.
I was so concerned with the thought like "I have to guide her to three orgasms by all means.", "We shall have simultaneous orgasm." that our sex became as if sort of routine fixed competition program or gymnastic.
Because of this, even she came many times, each orgasm was "sloppy" and without substance while I was totally unaware.
Although I thought "She shouldn't have any frustration since she came six times.", it was a wrong assumption. When I asked, she said "The depth of explosion was getting shallower than before."
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So, we decided to return to the basic attitude of "enjoying sex in unhurried and tasteful manner" without bothering about how many times she should come or simultaneous orgasm.
We decided to let things happen putting aside intentional use of "techniques" such as this and that body position and movement pattern.
We enjoyed long ,deep, ample foreplay like cunnilingus.
The point here is to forget totally about penetration from your mind.
Contrary, it can be even better if you think "Today, we don't have to have penetration."
After playing for about an hour like this, she appeared to have desire of "I can't help but get you in me." And she manifested her desire with the riding position.
Again, we were to enjoy the penetration as much as possible without seeking orgasm.
However, it is not to prolong the duration of penetration but simply to taste and enjoy the sensation of it.
It is important to forget about orgasm, again. Rather, it is quite right if you think "Let's finish without orgasm for today".
* * * * * * * * *
Finally, "the very natural basic" that we were put to learn and realized keenly was to forget about trying to penetrate or getting orgasm until the edge of the limit where "We can't hold it any more."
Obsessive thinking such as "I've got to do so and so.", "It'll be a hell if I don't do so and so" is the biggest problem.
And as we completely ignored any previous thinking pattern, forgetting about the penetration, the arousal of natural desire for penetration happened. Also, as we didn't think about attaining orgasm, we could fully enjoy the sense of union from the penetration.
Because of all these, triggering huge amount of "charged" and "teased" sexual energy, both I and she attained explosive deep orgasm simultaneously, again.
@... After an hour of foreplay,
@... First, she came twice with riding position and small rest.
@... Third one was with frontal position, simultaneously, and a rest.
@... Fourth was with back position for her.
@... Fifth was again with riding position for simultaneous orgasm.
@... And after the fifth one, within a few minutes, she came again. Then light sleep.
Total time was about four hours.
When we revised later, she said that it wasn't because the fifth one was light that she came sixth time but both of them were big explosions.
And our slump was over.
Although we were saying to each other "Let's have just a couple of orgasms today. But let's make the density of each one substantial.", she came six times and I came twice simultaneously with her. Well, that was enough for us to enter into resting sleep after the last orgasm.
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The biggest lesson here is we should not get obsessed with having orgasm or leading to one.
However, this is the problem that arises when you have mastered "Total Tantra Manual" and "Mysticism of Sex" so so.
It is necessary and quite right at the beginning to commit yourself to practice precisely according to the manual.
But when the practice becomes easy and "going well", the "carelessness" tends to slip in with sloppiness, and it is true that sex can become less tender.
As a result, sex often becomes monotone and routine.
I would insist again the most important point, even though it is "something so natural", that sex is not a competition for the number of orgasm, endurance, or depth, it is not a simple "training", but it is something to be "enjoyed from the heart and tasted by the senses unhurriedly".
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Well, another tale of my problem happened when I was training for basic "endurance".
To foster the endurance of forty-five minutes to one hour of penetration time, various relaxing and breathing methods are employed.
Here again, I was caught in the idea of prolonging the time before ejaculation for a while, forgetting the fundamental attitude of sex, namely "enjoying" and "tasting".
Also, my erection became less hard when I was too concerned about endurance.
But since I had to have full erection when she attained orgasms, I employed breathing methods and PC-muscle controls.
As a natural result of all these, my concern for the endurance and full erection, not the joy of sex, became a sort of obsession that I experienced erectile dysfunction though it was temporary and not so serious. I started to loose full erection once penetrated.
At that time, I didn't think it was mental origin since I had inflated idea that "I shouldn't have any tension since I have been practicing meditation."
Thus, thinking the problem was of physical nature, I did different stretching exercises, changed food pattern, or cooled down scrotum and penis, but without much result.
Only one thing which gave sure result was to cut off sugar intake for five to six days. As I like sweets normally, this was very effective.
But the most effective thing during this relatively short period was "Non Erect Method" for treating erectile dysfunction. I got over with it after only two sessions.
Please read the brief explanation of this method in next chapter.